i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
