"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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