Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
