tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
