Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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