We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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