someone threw a dead crab at me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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