new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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