I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dear god my vagina.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize