So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
