The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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