He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize