idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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