hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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