TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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