Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
