I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
