I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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