I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize