My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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