I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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