peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
