How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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