shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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