i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
