Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
