my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
