Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize