Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
