Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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