You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
