I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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