Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
