So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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