just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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