i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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