I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
