I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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