Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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