My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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