the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
