yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She even gives head with a lisp.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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