You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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