i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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