she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
