I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
