I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
