omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just invented taco cereal.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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