Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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