I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
