i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize