Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize