my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize