a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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