You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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