We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
