that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
