party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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