Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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