I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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