You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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