I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize