New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
