Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
