How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
