You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Welp...herpes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize