do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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