guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
