How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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