Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize