Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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