Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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