He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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