I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
