he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's never too late to be topless.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
