He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
