I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize