Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
