I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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