just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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