I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
