This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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