I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
