i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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