do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
