We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
