I accidentally had phone sex last night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize