I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
