he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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