where am i from again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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