we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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