my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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