He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
