Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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