he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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