I think im going to throw up on grandma
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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