Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize