You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
